Before Marriage

( Caution: For Mature readers )

The other night I finally got around to typing up some things for a friend that I was hoping she would discuss with her soon to be husband before they get married.

This list of topics I shared for her to discuss is NOT in order of importance or exhaustive, though it is long.

In regards to choosing who you want to be in an “until death parts you” covenant:

I sadly have a number of friends who are struggling in their marriages, who have been separated at times, who have entertained divorce, who have wondered if they made the wrong choice...these friends are Christians that are married to Christians. I have heard that since the 80’s one out of every two marriages ends in divorce and the highest rate of divorce is among those who “identify” as Christians. As you know marriage is not a bed of roses no matter how “in love” a couple is. No marriage is perfect. It is truly a challenge learning how to submit daily to one another. Some days are easy, some you may feel like you won’t make it through. No one can hurt you as deeply as a spouse, because you expect more from a spouse than anyone else. When those expectations, even in the little things are disappointed it can really wear on you over the years.

Being quick to forgive is definitely key which takes humility if done in sincerity. Humility and trust in God will be your companions for success.

So some things that tear marriages down that should be discussed before a covenant is made: (Most of these questions should be answered by the man and the woman)

1. How do you feel about children?

a.) Are you ok with letting God decide how many children we have?

b.) Do you prefer to give birth in the hospital or at home?

c.) How would you want to correct and direct a child?

d.) Would you want your child to be home-schooled or is public education ok with you?

e.) If we home-school what are your expectations for homeschooling as far as what they should be taught and how much time they will spend a day/week doing school?

f.) Are you ok with our children using technology and or watching T.V. and if so what do you find acceptable for children to view and how often can they have access to these things?

g.) How do you feel about the in-laws and their interaction and influence on our children; will we set boundaries for the in-laws as far as what kinds of gifts & clothes they give the children and what they allow the children to view or places they bring them?

h.) Do we want our children to go to college? Do we want to teach our children to court when seeking a spouse or do we believe dating is acceptable?

j.) Are we ok with our children being involved in sports?

2. Money

      a.) Do we want a bank account?

      b.) Do we want a joint bank account or separate accounts?

      c.) Do we want to use credit cards?

      d.) As a wife do you trust me to make good choices to freely spend or are you thinking of giving me a certain allowance for things like groceries,etc.?

      e.) Do you believe in a savings account, or life Insurance?

      f.) Do you want me to work for money also?

      g.) Will we file taxes and if so jointly or separately?

      h.) Is your aim to work a lot for money? Do you want to spend money on a large house, a small house, on cars, trucks, furniture, technology?

3. Health

    a.) Are you ok with going to a Dr. ?

    b.) Is it ok to take prescriptions or are there certain kinds you think are wrong to take?

    c.) Do you believe in using food and herbs for healing?

   d.) Are you comfortable eating GMO products, do you want to try to stick with organic or just certain things organic?

   e.) Are you comfortable eating fast food?

   f.) Do you feel convicted to eat for health, for example are you ok with spending money on things like twinkies, donuts, ice cream on a regular basis or only on occasion or never?

  g.) How do you feel about marijuana internally, smoked or ingested, used topically?

  

4. Music

 a.) Are you ok with listening to music?

 b.) Are there certain kinds of music you don’t like or think we shouldn’t listen to?

 

5. Socializing

 a.) What kind of boundaries will you have once we are married in regards to interacting with the opposite gender?

 b.) Are you comfortable driving alone with the opposite gender, or only under certain circumstances?

 c.) Are you comfortable speaking privately with the opposite gender whether an audio, video, or text?

 d.) Are you comfortable having casual friendships with the opposite gender?

 e.) How do you feel about physical touch with the opposite gender: hugs, hand holding, handshakes, fist bumps? Are any of these ok under certain circumstances?

 f.) Are you ok with drinking alcohol at all?

6. Intimacy

  a.) Were you ever exposed to porn and if so how did it effect you, does it still effect you today, do you have any addiction issues with it?

  b.) Do you masturbate, if so do you think it is wrong or do you think it’s acceptable with God? If you masturbate are you triggered visually to do so, such as seeing an immodest woman in public or online; do you masturbate as a means of stress release? 

  c.) Do you believe oral sex is acceptable with God or wrong, if I am not comfortable with oral sex do you feel that will become a problem?

  d.) Do you expect me to wear sexy clothes in the bedroom; if I don’t is that going to be a problem?

  e.) Do you care if I do not shave?

  f.) Do you care if I don’t wear make-up?

  g.) Do you like to talk in bed before going to sleep, or do you prefer not to?

  h.) Does it make you uncomfortable if we are both in the restroom at the same time or do you prefer I wait until you're finished before entering?

7. Concerning the faith

  a.) What do you believe Church should look like?

  b.) Is being part of a Church body important to you?

  c.) What do you think about women pastors?

  d.) What do you believe it means to be  Christian?

  e.) Do you feel God has a calling on your life for a certain type of ministry?

  f.) Do you believe you have any spiritual gifts from God: that of teaching, hospitality, laying on of hands, evangelism, etc?

  g.) Do you care if I wear a head-covering in general?

  h.) What do you consider modest and not modest in regards to both men and women and their choice of clothes: (to the man)Are you comfortable in front of women shirtless? 

Is it ok for either of us to wear tank tops, “bathing suits”, or shorts?

 j.) If we have to get the vaccine to buy food would you want us to? 

 h.) Do you think we have to submit to the government in all things or just certain things?

j.) Are you willing to suffer for the faith, go to jail, bear reproach, lose fellowship, be hated by family, be poor...?

k.) As a woman what do you expect of me regarding my role as a Christian wife? Do you believe housework is only for women or do you believe it is also a husband’s duty to help with cooking, cleaning, diaper changing…? 

 l.) Do you believe in infant baptism?

m.) Do you believe cremation is ok?

n.) What do you believe about communion?

o.) Do you believe in miracles?

p.) Do you prefer praying out loud or silently?

q.) Do you want to pray before meals? Do you want to pray together before bed or individually?

r.) What do you believe Jesus taught regarding loving your enemies: is it ok to kill in defense, or injure in defense? How do you feel about calling 911?

s.) What would you do if you or I were called to jury duty?

t.) How do you feel about holidays?

u.) Do you love God more than me?

v.) Are you getting married because you want a nice marriage or because you want someone to serve Jesus with?

w.) Are you attempting to find completeness in marriage, as in do you think it will satisfy a loneliness in you or do you recognize only God will complete you?

8. Miscellaneous

 a.) Is there anything I do that really irritates you?

 b.) How much do you care about being clean as far as how often do you think bed sheets and towels should be washed and changed; do you like the dishes to be done after dinner or as the meal is being made?

c.) How many meals a day do you like to eat and what are your preferred meal times?

d.) What are your favorite foods and what do you not like to eat?

e.) Are you ok driving over the speed limit?

f.) Are you willing to be misunderstood by me and am I willing to be by you; are we willing to let go of disagreements and try to work together for peace?

 

Of course you do not have to have all the answers to these questions and over the years your answers will likely change? However these are topics worth discussing and not allowing your desire to be married hinder you from honest examination. When two people are “in love” it’s much easier to believe that even if you didn’t like their answers to some of these questions you will be able to handle it, or some put their trust in believing the person's opinion will soon change and fall in line with their own.

This is the time to be honest with yourself and your potential spouse, there's no turning back after the "I do." on the wedding day.

The Scriptures speak of the little foxes that spoil the vines...it truly can be the little seemingly insignificant things that begin to wear us out after being married:

“He always throws his dirty clothes on the floor like a slob when the dirty clothes basket is right there 2 steps away!”

“Day after day I come home from a long day at work and the house is a mess and dinner hasn't even started!”

“He’s constantly pulling the blanket off me at night, he snores, and he tosses and turns; I can’t get any sleep!”

“She embarrasses me with her choice of clothes?”

“He rarely ever spends time with the children so I can get things done!”

“She totally disrespects me in public!”

In marriage some focus on each other's shortcomings after a time of living together and begin to nag one another. Some things may take a spouse years to get the victory over or they may never change...so, it’s very important to not be tripped up over what bothers you about your spouse while failing to speak gratefully to them for their efforts to please you in ways they have found to please you.

No matter what, marriage is a leap of faith. As Christians it is most important that God sincerely is our first love so no matter what happens in our marriage we will have God as our rock. People, even spouses, will fail us. But the thing about marriage is that you are committing to this person regardless if they are faithful to do their part.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment: disagreements don’t dissolve it, unfaithfulness doesn’t dissolve it, falling “out of love” doesn’t dissolve it, only death. God uses marriage to teach us and perfect us whether the marriage is successful or not. 

I have a burden for young people in regards to marriage because, like I said, too many are finding regrets about their marriage or ending up divorced. Too many are saying: they didn’t realize the seriousness of marriage, no one ever warned them, gave them counsel or advice, or prepared them for the reality of marriage.

It is so important to speak soberly with people you know who plan to marry. Kindly make sure they know very well the person they desire to be joined to. Feel free to use things listed here or make your own list of ideas for them to discuss with their soon to be spouse. If society took marriage more seriously and invested in preparing the youth for successful marriages many problems would be solved... A good Marriage is the foundation of mentally healthy children; thus a healthier society. Don't be afraid to speak up.

"Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." ~Matthew 19:6

To Do List, What's # 1?

Thinking about all the directions we can feel pulled in in this life...
With our own passions or interests and then with those of people who are in our life...
We need to be mindful that we are not trying to juggle too many things at once. 
There are only so many things God expects us to do in a day and in our life.
We need first and foremost to put that special time with Him as #1 on our "To Do" list.
 I know each day has different needs and we don't always get to spend that still quiet one on one time with Him that we'd like to. As long as we don't allow that #1 priority to be set to the side too often, and we can maintain union with Him while we meet the needs in front of us; I believe we will still be able to prosper.
When presented with all the things we'd like to do and could do with our time we must examine our hearts and seek His face to discern what is most profitable for His Kingdom and accomplishing His will for our life.
I believe our adversary would love to use good desires to keep us too busy for step #1.
And, so busy doing good things that we are not even aware that we are failing to do the actual will of God in our life.
If we are a wife then we have certain duties we should be faithful to fulfill as wives. If we have children there are also certain duties we must fulfill. Fulfilling the needs of our husband and children should come after #1. 
Then if we still feel capable of doing more than seek Him for what that looks like... Just don't neglect the God-given duties you already have. It may seem not as exciting to serve the husband and children... Or it may seem less spiritual, or it may feel like you aren't even serving God by serving them. 
But the reality is God made you a wife and mother so He expects you to glorify Him by serving your husband and children as you would want to serve Him if you had the opportunity. And by doing so you glorify His name in these dark days where women put their duty as a wife on the back burner and they give their duty as a mother to others.
When we live our lives according to God's order we magnify Him because the Truth bears witness to itself. God's ways are prosperous.
And for you SINGLE LADIES after you fulfill #1 you need to discern what gifts God has given you and how to best use them without overdoing it as well. If we try to take on too many things at once, one or more of the things we do will not be as prosperous... It's like the idea that we can't serve 2 Masters... We will end up despising something we are trying to accomplish because it will become more of a burden than a blessing. In time God can show you the gift He wants you to use for His glory. Sometimes it takes trial and error to find how you are most useful to His Kingdom. 
To those who are married, we must be sure that we are not putting other goals and desires before our husband and children... So that we end up despising them because their need for us takes us away from something else we are trying to accomplish... Of course, this all has to be rightly divided wherein we meet their needs as God would have us to; yet we are not a slave to their every whim.
So if you feel overwhelmed, take a moment even in the bathroom if you have to and take a deep breath and ask Him for His Spirit to fill you and remind yourself that the most important things you need to do are to respond Christ-like to every situation you face. 
This is why we seek first His Kingdom... It's those spiritual virtues that matter the most each day...
Did we respond to that situation with love, with patience, with humility, with grace, with joy, with kindness, with meekness?
If not what is preventing the fruit of the Spirit from manifesting through us?
Are we serving 2 Masters?
Are we taking on more than we should?
Are we not seeking first His Kingdom?
I pray we can all get the victory. 
Be encouraged sisters victory comes in time... If we fail we get up and keep moving forward.

39And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus' feet, and heard his word.

40But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.

41And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:

42But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her. ~Luke 10:39-42

Obedience

Proverbs 14:1
Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.

 Hey everyone, sorry I am not more active on this blog...please know you are free to email if there are any topics of interst you'd like me to share:
( holywomenofold@gmail.com ).
Thankfully, the Lord has kept me busy doing good things, so a good reason not to have time to post more often. Although, I am not always as pressed in as I should be with time management, therefore I could possibly get more posts out.

We recently were helping a family in Romania. The wife has a zeal that is inspirational. She is in her 50's but runs to & fro serving others like a lively 20 year old. She was teaching me some Romanian and one word she taught me that well defines her is "Haideti" sounds like "Hi-dets" it means, "Let's go!, Let's do it!"
You can see her lesson for me in the above picture. It says, "Let's build a house." We were there to help her build a larger home that the Romanian government required of her because she has been adopting orphans with heart conditions.

The topic that is on my heart today is obedience whether it be to an earthly husband, God himself, mother or father (if they are overseeing you). Sadly these younger generations are being taught complete independence: you are your own boss, you don't need nobody, ain't nobody gonna tell me what to do, it's all about ME, I'll do whatever I want, whenever I want, etc...
When I was a young lost teen unfortunately I had a "boyfriend".
I remeber one day telling him, "You aren't my father!" as if that really meant anything, seeing how I didn't even want to obey my dad either. So, now that I am in my 40's it has been a struggle for me in my marriage to respect my husband as I should. He is worthy of the respect, but sadly I was raised amidst a rebellious generation. And as the generations continue they have only gotten worse. I remeber how the things I used to do & say shocked my parents. Now I am feeling shocked even moreso by what I have seen coming out of younger generations. I remember when the term "lame" became popular slang, it was no big deal among teens to say, "Man, your so lame!" Well, one day I said it to my mom, "Mom, your so lame!" My dad could not believe his ears, I was reproved by them both. But, I couldn't relate to why it was such a big deal. Today it is much worse, and very few children have a good example to compare and see how wicked their actions are.
We can not blame our parents and the circumstances we were raised in for our rebellion. There are examples of people who suffered so much, yet love much, have much grace and wisdom. Truly their help came from the Lord. We all need to do our part to draw near to God and be cleansed from the world that took root in our hearts before we came to the Lord. God is able to give us new hearts & cleanse us from our wrong ways. Sometimes it takes falling and standing to brush off the dirt, and faith to keep trying to walk forward, just like children learning to walk. We can't stop getting up and trying; if children did that they'd never learn to walk properly. So, I have failed time & time again when it comes to speaking properly to my husband & to others....so please know I press onto perfection, but I have not arrived. But we must STRIVE to enter in....we don't see God's commands as mountains that are too hard to climb, we take courage knowing if we have a faith the size of a tiny mustard seed we can MOVE MOUNTAINS.

So, recently my husband made a Facebook post emphasizing the need for women to OBEY, he wrote it in all caps and he left Titus 2:5 as the reference. I was amazed by the many responses that were emotional and negative. So many woman took his word of encouragement as a beating. Like he was some wicked woman abuser. Some even wanted to say the Word does not say "obey" but rather submit and they built up some wordy idea that there is a difference between submitting and obedience, as if obedience was a negative abusive word. Seems so many women have had negative experiences with men that they assume the command for obedience to man is wrong. What does the Word say?

Titus 2:5  To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

See the word "obedient"? I don't think we need to learn Greek or anything to rightly divide this. This verse is simple instructions for married women. It should not offend us...but sadly we too often comprehend and interpret things through our own life experiences & emotions. If you read these words plainly there is no reason to think, oppression or abuse, or manipulation or any other negative idea that so often weighs the minds of women who hear these instructions. There are also instructions given to the husband; they are to love their wives respect their bodies as they would their own, honor their wives, etc. Notice the reason for these instructions to women:
"...that the word of God be not blasphemed."  
When the unbelievers see believers acting just as proud, irritably, belittling, disrespectful to their husbands as they do, this is shame to the name of the Lord who willinging obeyed the Father and layed His life down to deliver us from such sinful acts. There is no inspiration or motivation to believe like you, because they do not see the power of grace in your life. This is why we must recieve instruction and have the faith and humility to apply it to our lives that our Savior will be magnified and all men will be drawn unto Him seeing the power of His grace in our lives.

So, yes, these instructions are much easier to recieve for women who have husbands that are also in obedience to God. Nevertheless, a wife must do her best by God's amazing grace to honor and respect the husband even if he does not honor and respect her. Now a controversial topic: if one has an unbelieving husband , or a husband that requires a wife to commit sin..... The Word says we are to obey God over man. God is always first. What we need to learn is what would God have us do. Just beacuse He is first doesn't mean we ignore our husband's requests of us because we want to spend our days sitting at the Lord's feet instead of doing things the husband has asked us to do. God first can mean we yield to our husband's request to get the laundry done, the children's room cleaned, the garage cleaned, etc. even though we'd rather be sitting at the Lord's feet all day instead. This is because obedience to the husband glorifies God. The husband is strengthened by the wife's faithfulness, and if he is not strengthened or thankful, God is still glorified and the wife is blamless amidst a wicked and perverse generation. Now, this is not to say we should never take a day to spend being still before the Lord instead of being busy with the cares of this life, but we need to be discerning of what would best glorify God at the given time. Sometimes we need to muster up faith and trust if we do the duties the husband has instructed us, or expected us to do, that God will minister to our needs as we lay down our life to serve others. We shouldn't excuse ourselves from reasonable services because we want to be so "spiritual". Oftentimes the spiritual thing to do is serve others, work hard, deny ourself. The Word says, it is more blessed to give than recieve.....have you ever ministered to someones need and found that God ministered to your need while you ministered to someone elses? I hope dear ladies that you will learn to rightly divide these things and forget about all this "woman power" the world is preaching that teaches women to be their own boss and belittle & disrespect their husbands. A woman of true strength knows how to cleave to the Lord, trust in Him, obey Him & glorify Him even when she must suffer in the flesh doing so. The Word speaks of a divine nature that we are to have....it is a nature that seeks the Glory of God above it's own comforts. A nature that can endure gracefully much hardship. A woman of true strength can endure by God's grace the reproach of her own family when she stands alone for the right ways of God. God does not contradict Himself; people simply do not rightly divide His word, thus there appears to be contradictions. When God commands women to be in obedience to their husband's it is not unto sin, but as unto the LORD. Let me give some examples:
If a husband says, "Wife your clothes are dull, put on those tight jeans and that tank top." Here the husband is commanding the wife to do something sinful, to wear clothes that appeal to the lust of the flesh and likely create a stumbling block for other men to commit adultery with their eyes. Would the Lord command such a thing? No, He would not. And this is where the wife must obey God over man. But not pridefully, or arrogantly, on the contrary with that divine nature God can give a woman in this situation who earnestly seeks Him. She can simply say, "Dear husband, I am happy to obey you in all good things, but this thing you have asked of me is sin & therefore I cannot consent." Remember the couple in the book of Acts that fell dead? The wife would not have fallen dead with her husband if she had not yielded to his sinful plan to decieve the brethren. We all stand alone before God on the judgment day. We can not point a finger at others and say, "He made me do it!" God does not expect us to yield to sin.
Many try to use the example of Sarah obeying Abraham to say she was his sister when it put her in jeopardy of being taken by another man to say "we must obey the husband even unto sin."
I highly disagree, seeing how it contradicts God's word and the example we see under the New Covenant teachings which we are to live by. Jacob obeyed his mother to decieve his father and what happened to Jacob? He was decieved by his father in law and suffered much. We will pay a consequence for knowingly doing wrong. Ladies, you are not obligated to obey your husband unto sin.
I would also like to caution not to take your "obedience to God" out of context and justify your will by telling your Husband "God does not want us to eat white rice, therefore I will not make it..." or I do not believe it is God's will for us to live in Arizona, etc. These are things that could be called into question; but issues of morality are more clearly defined and therefore we know God does not want us to do them, such as lie, watch movies with wicked contents, swear, dress immodestly, help take your children to a school that will teach them anti-christ practices,etc.

Let's look at another part of Titus 2:5, it says, ...."good"....married women are being exhorted to be GOOD. How does that make you feel? Does it bother you like the word "obedient"? Think about it this way.....we want children to be good, and sometimes we tell them, "be a good boy." What do we mean when we say that? Do we mean DISOBEY me or do we mean OBEY me. Do we consider the child good when they obey or disobey? Do the children give us peace and joy when they disobey?
3 John 1:4  I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.
God has created an order that we would all do well and be pleasing to God and all mankind (even ourselves) if we simply obey that order. Everyone is required to obey: the men must obey Christ, the women must obey their husband and Christ, the children must obey their parents and Christ. And when we all willing do this there is peace and harmony.
Ok, so the husband doesn't obey, this makes life harder on the wife. And when the wife dosen't obey, this makes life harder on the man who has been placed with the responsibility of overseeing his wife and children. Ladies who have been abused by men & husband's you will not heal from this by rebelling against God's order or by seeing obedience to the husband as oppressive. Remember, it is as unto the Lord we are called to serve our husband. We must love the husband regardless if he loves us. If he is an enemy to the faith, God calls all people to love even their enenemies. But this does not mean we yield to sin. Sin is not love. It may cost some women their marriage to live in obedience to Christ if they have an unbeling husband. In such cases the woman should obey all her husband requiers that is not immoral/ sinful and she should labor to respect him even if he is not walking worthy. Christ layed down His life and died for us when we were yet sinners and this is what won our hearts to Him; His amazing sacrificial love. This is what has the chance of winning the unbelieving husband to Christ, loving him selflessly. Marriage is a sacrificial love, Christian love is a sacrificial love & true love. Without God, love does not exist, "God is love".
Eternity without God is eternity without love, indescribably painful. And this is where all will end up who despise God and His ways. The husband that despises God and abuses his wife will have an eternity without love; wives you have the opportunity to save your husband from such an end, and to enable him to experience the only love he will ever experience if he does not repent. Your life on the altar for God glorifies God as did the life of Christ.
So to this call to obedience I say, "Hi-dets!"  = "Let's do it!" for this is wisdom to obey God and His high calling, and this is how a woman can build her house on a sure foundation; but she that lives in self-will & rebellion will tear her house down with her own hands.

Reverence & honor for God & Man

 Then spake Y'shua again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life. -John 8:12

 Recently I have been considering the idea of honor. Reverence goes hand in hand with honor. Years ago as I studied Scripture I was particularly edified by Bathsheba's reverence for David. It says in  1Kings 1:16  "And Bathsheba bowed, and did obeisance unto the king..." She showed him reverence. He was not only the King at that time but he was her husband.
 Unfortunately he was her husband due to his sinful yielding to temptation. Bathsheba's original husband died in battle because King David purposely put him on the front lines so he could pursue his covetous desire for her. King David was in transgression of the Just One's Law of Love. Nevertheless, a prophet was sent to him, & he was rightly chastened of God for his transgression. God's law is love & it is certainly not loving to covet your neighbor's wife.
Since Bathsheba's husband was dead she was no longer bound by the marriage covenant; thus King David could rightly have her as his wife.  It is an encouragement to me to read that she had a reverence for her husband (King David). She showed him respect & honor. These are two words that are greatly lacking in action in this time we are living in. I am 40 years old & I was taught to respect my parents (to a certain degree & the elderly). A majority of the children that have been raised by my generation apparently are not being taught these profitable acts. When a wife respects her husband, the two of them can teach the children to respect them. They can also teach them to have respect for those who are aged among them such as: Grandparents, Aunts & Uncles, older cousins & siblings & adults in general. Touching on these thoughts can easily get us in a ball of tangled yarn so to speak. What I mean is, that so much in life is connected to these basic principles & has an effect on many aspects of life.
It seems that the lack of respect for husbands, has created a lack of respect for wives, which has created a lack of respect in children for their parents, which I believe is also linked to a lack of self respect through-out society. You can see the lack of self respect in the way people choose to walk around in public. I have seen a dad & his son wear pj's to the grocery store ( some may think this is cute...) this teaches children a sense of carelessness. "Let's not care what people think of us walking around in bed clothes" and thus you have women with the same attitude walking around in  something that should only be in the bedroom. 
I understand the mentality of not wanting to care what others think, but in order for that thought process to really be sound it needs to be influenced by what is just, good & honorable. Such as: "I do not care" (i.e. will not be stopped/hindered by the thoughts of others) what people think about the fact that I am choosing to wear modest attire when everyone else here is walking around in bathing suits, "I do not care..." that they are staring at me as I stop to talk to this homeless person that smells & looks awful (not all homeless people smell & look awful, I am just making a point); "I do not care..." that people give me unkind looks because I veil my head out of  reverence for God & man.

What we often see today is a lack of respect for self & others; many say: "I DON'T CARE!" (who also lack sound reasoning for their lack of care) ...what people think about me having purple & green hair, 2 nose rings & a tattoo in the middle of my forehead! ..."I don't care if people can see my breasts in this see-through shirt, or this v-neck shirt that reveals all but my nipples. "I don't care that when I bend over my pants fall below my bum-crack & everyone sees it. "I don't care what people think about me being tattooed from head to toe & that I hardly have any clothes on." I don't care"
what people think about me turning up my stereo so the whole neighborhood can hear it. "I don't care" if everyone on Facebook see's SELFIES of me in my underwear. "I don't care what people think of my public display of intimacy with my "partner"/friends/same gender. The list could go on  & on. Many could read this & go off  madly lecturing their justifications for these vile, irreverent, public displays. "Don't judge!" The truth is when we look in the mirror of the Law of true liberty & we see the prior things mentioned in our lives, we have already been judged by ourselves. We condemn ourselves when we choose things contrary to virtue & light. But with Y'shua there is hope through repentance. Y'shua (Jesus) said (as recorded in John 3:19)  "And this is the condemnation, that light is come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil."  He also says as recorded in Jonh 8:12  "Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life."
God's ways are light & life. They bring true liberty. We can say, "I don't care" & continue to display dark actions, Or, we can be free from the care God wants us to be free from, repent, & shine the light.

We read in 1Corinthians 11:3  "But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God." This is the Apostle Paul sharing with us the light he received from God. This statement of his clearly sets forth God's ordained order for life on earth. This order is good & those who abide in it will prosper. Anyone who takes an honest look at the history of society can clearly see the more the general public has forsaken this order the more chaos has prevailed. Society has become like Nineveh; a people that know not their left hand from their right. They are taught that evil is good & good evil. So much so that it is common to hear the exclamation, "Wicked!" when people like or esteem something.

I think I have shared this before...for those who have not considered this... God created fish to be able to live & breathe under water. He designed them with special qualities that enable them to be able to live in water. He also created birds that are able to fly. Birds can do things that fish can do, & fish can do things that birds can do; for example eat & rest. Yet, if a fish was able to be unsatisfied  with what it was created to be & tried to be a bird, it would terribly fail & eventually die. The fish wasn't designed to breathe as a bird does. And vice versa. You can apply this to women who are (I believe rebellious & influenced by a base society )to be discontent with who they have been created to be. As a fish has wonderful abilities that it would be ridiculous for it to be discontent with, so does the woman. 
To have man in reverence as our lord & guide in this world is not a thing to war against or despise!!! As a matter of fact this rebellion has much to do with the awful state of our present society. Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft. (1Samuel 15:23 "For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry..." You do not have to be a witch to cast a spell over people. Rebellion will have the same effect. Have you ever heard your child make excuse for their bad behavior by telling you their sibling does it? "But, Johnny does it!" Do not be influenced by rebellious women to dishonor your husband. When women learn to respect men & their husband (if they have a husband) there will be a good effect in their life. Young women who show respect will be a light to siblings & others who see they abide in Truth & order. Married women will be a light to their children who will in return respect their dads. Respect, reverence, honor, go hand in hand and make for peace in the home & in society.
The Law of Liberty teaches us to honor: Father & mother (Matthew 15:4), the old (Leviticus 19:32), widows (1 Timothy 5:3) ...Honor all (1 Peter 2:17)
We need to have honor for all things created, people, and even animals. Respect for the living. Respect for life.
How do we honor our husband?
Unfortunately many of us were raised without an example of a mother who had true reverence for her husband. Some of our mothers may have had more respect for their husbands than others. Yet,sadly many do not have their biological parents raising them at all. Many lack godly role models. We need to labor to restore this to the future generation. For those of us that desire to labor for God's kingdom a very important need is for respect & reverence & honor to be restored among families. Mother's & wives, you  may not realize what a high calling you have & how much the future will be effected by your choice to reverence your husband or not. The way you choose to interact with your husband will leave a lasting impression for generations to come if the Lord delays His coming.
I myself have miserably failed in this area, but I will not make excuses for my bad choices. I want to redeem the time and lay a hold of this forsaken virtue that many women of old possessed such as Bathsheba. I am thankful for the few women of our time that shine as precious jewels as they sincerely honor their husbands. They should drive us to emulation, in the sense that we should earnestly desire to attain/imitate the virtue they display.


A Heart that Sees husband as lord 
Consider this:
Ephesians 5:21-24  "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.   For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.   Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."
The chapter goes on to say how husbands need to love their wives. They have their part and we have ours. However, our part is not contingent (dependent) on whether or not they are doing their part. If we love truth & want to please our LORD in heaven who created us all, then we will seek to reverence our husbands as we would want to reverence the LORD. If you have a husband who is not obedient to the faith I believe your relationship with him will be bettered & possibly healed if you remain faithful to honor, reverence & respect him. I believe we can experience greater peace & joy even in hard circumstance when we are being faithful to fulfill God's will in our life. It is His will for women to honor men and reverence their husband's as lord.
 If you are single you should seek to honor your biological dad; even if he is not a believer. If you are without a dad honor a grandfather, or godly men, if you are part of a fellowship. You should also honor your mother. There are many people we can practice this virtue of showing honor to. The more we exercise ourselves in honoring others, the more natural & a part of our character it will be. Honoring someone can simply be: looking upon them with respect, not interrupting their conversation, asking for their input in decisions you are making & respecting their input. Of course if they are not seeking to be Christian their input may not be something you should follow; but you can still hear them out and share the truth with them in love as to why you'd prefer not to heed to their counsel.  All who live godly will suffer persecution, & some times that persecution comes from loved ones (2Timothy 3:12  "Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution." ) Those who will be as Christ, & called by His name should not expect to live comfortably in this world. There is a cross to bear. The reward of eternity in peace with the true God who suffered on earth & knows our infirmities is worth the pain of the cross in this temporary world. 
As for the married, we can apply the same as the single would but with our husbands. Although, the difference would be, a need to obey your husband.[Obedience to anything that isn't contrary to God's will; God would not have you obey your husband if it meant stealing, killing, lying,and such like things.Read Acts 5 where Sapphira was judged when she lied as her husband had.]
 We should seek to do our husband's will even when he is not at home to oversee. Our hearts desire should be to fulfill the will of our husband. To prefer his will above ours, because we were created to be his helper, not he ours. Many husbands do help their wives and this is good. But we must not burden/manipulate the husband into being our servant. A godly husband will naturally desire to serve his wife in that which he sees as good & profitable. We need to cleanse our hearts of the worldly mindset of living happily ever being served by prince charming in a cute home with a white picket fence. That is not what Christ has called us to. Unfortunately many who profess Christ have painted this picture & shamed the name of Christ. We need to remember, in order to honor God we must honor the husband. Godly joy will fill our hearts when we surrender to a life of servitude. All of God's creatures are servants. We have all been created for God's pleasure. And peace comes when we do what we were created to do. The husband has a big responsibility in serving his family by seeking God & Truth making sure his family is fed & clothed & washing them with the Word of God.
Consider Genesis 3 :
 Adam & Eve were created & given a perfect world. They were given simple & reasonable instructions to follow. Due to the fact that we are created with free will (for the sake of not being robots & especially for the sake of True Love). Love could not be love if there was no choice/free will involved. It is when we freely make choices that True Love has meaning. The consequence of their sin: Genesis 3:16  "Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." One man states, "She shall be subject, but it shall be to her own husband that loves her, not to a stranger, or an enemy: the sentence was not a curse, to bring her to ruin, but a chastisement, to bring her to repentance. It was well that enmity was not put between the man and the woman, as there was between the serpent and the woman."
Approach your husband as you would imagine approaching God the Father. I believe the heart would have a healthy, holy fear. Not a light & careless attitude. Discern the time with your husband, is this a good time to share this thought, or concern, or blessing, etc.? Be ready to deny yourself & wait until the time is right for him. When the husband is respected as the head of the wife, God is still God. We must keep God as our first love. We can look to our LORD in heaven throughout the day. Speak with God in our hearts. He fills what the husband can not fill. Honoring husband as Lord does not diminish God as Lord.


Do You Speak to Your Husband as You Do to the Children?  
This is a big "no, no" so to speak. Have you ever witnessed this?  A wife that corrects or scolds her husband as she does the children is very unseemly. Especially when she does it in front of children. How can they possibly respect a man that gets scolded just like they do? And if they are teenagers, beware of the disrespect it will breed in their hearts for you & your husband. We must learn to approach our husbands with great respect & honor. We must tame our hearts when provoked by grievances that would cause us to speak out of season to our husband. When Bathsheba had a concern to voice she came to her husband & bowed to honor him. She did not allow herself to carelessly approach him. She didn't place her hand on her hips, and say "What are you doing! Do you realize what is going on?!" It seems to me there was more restraint in old times when speaking in general, that we lack in our present time. Her conversation with her husband was well thought out. She wasn't rash with her words. James a disciple of Christ sheds light on our path when he says, James 1:19  "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:" 
I believe if we were slower to speak this would help us to speak with respect.
 It is hard to imagine a wife in our times bowing to her husband. I am not suggesting we need to actually bow in body but rather to take on the mind that would do such a thing. Sarah, Abraham's wife called her husband Lord 1Pe 3:4-7  "But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.   For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:   Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.  Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife,..." 
God is good & right in His ways. 

Do You Shame Your husband?
It seems to be a common error for women to get together & make light of their husbands faults & or imagined faults. Beware & guard the tongue when it comes to exposing your husband's deeds to others. Even if it is in a sincere desire for help or prayer. You can request prayer for hardships without exposing the issue.

In closing:
 I hope you will be encouraged to examine your heart in these areas (Respect for others). DO  Not be discouraged when you see your failures. Rejoice that God has opened your eyes to see your need & start putting into practice what you know to be the good & right way to treat others (regardless of how others treat you). Honor the Father in Heaven by honoring others.
"Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;"- 1Peter 3:1 
                 "For with thee is the fountain of life: in thy light shall we see light."   Psalm 36:9